Jobs and Life: Fifty Years of Joy and Sorrow

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Virtually all of human knowledge is at my fingertips at all times. The impact of all of these is profoundly positive. And this is only a taste of what the internet, and technological advances in general, promise. Access to people is simplified. Chat apps unlike Facebook provide a one-on-one connection with another person, which can be more personal, human and healing than posting on social networks.

I have been using a Fitbit for a number of years. I have had a heart attack and triple bypass and am pre-diabetic. Getting regular exercise is important, and my Fitbit helps me set and attain fitness goals much more easily than before. The ability to monitor and track my sleep helps me take actions to get better sleep, which definitely increases well-being. By connecting to my Fitbit scale I can also track my weight and tie it to my exercise goals. My Fitbit can connect to a Dexcom blood sugar-testing device that can test blood sugar every five minutes, which is extremely helpful in managing my pre-diabetes.

These one-liners from anonymous respondents hit on a number of different positive themes:. Here is a roundup of the many ways these experts described the benefits they get and the benefits they observe. Reading and commenting on their posts gave him the ability to participate in the process of their lives.

Knowing what the family members were doing increased his sense of involvement and the overall intimacy he experienced with them all. This familiarity also jump-started any family gathering, keeping people who were geographically disparate from feeling like relative strangers and allowing relationships to be more immediately meaningful. Texting in all forms serves the same purpose. Closeness in relationships is achieved by the frequency of contact.

The human brain reacts to virtual contact as if it were real, releasing the same neurotransmitters of positive emotion and reward as if people were face to face. These experiences replicate the behaviors that developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth described in her ground-breaking work on attachment theory and how people form a secure attachment style, essential to emotional well-being.

The simplest anecdote is about keeping a family messaging chat open with my wife and children. Stowe Boyd. My kids — both in their 20s — live in Brooklyn, which is close to where we live, but over an hour away. However, we all participate in the chat, often several times in a day. We share pictures, links, stories, plans. Then it was an occasional phone call, visits when possible, but it was pretty tenuous. And I had what most of my contacts considered an unusually close and caring relationship with my folks.

And this has allowed an extra richness to my life, and I guess theirs, a counter to the possible distance that could otherwise grow in our relations because of the hour of travel that separates us. We support one another better and know our daily lives better than we could before. Once I got a message from a school in the middle of an important business meeting and managed to sort the situation without any major issue, and all from a different continent!

The ability to stay connected as needed is so important for me and it allows me to be closer, to be there! I cannot imagine [life] otherwise and this allows me to do what I do in ways that would have been very hard before digital connectivity. Thus, many of my family and friends that were once dear to me are now estranged — entirely my fault. We often share photos of the family pets, as it turns out and let each other know about important or unimportant — perhaps funny — things that are going on in our lives.

So the three of us are never really out of touch, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I wish I could do this with MY father who is, alas, very technophobic. Her adoption of cellphone use for calls, texting, email, FaceTime, and photo-sharing, daily use of an iPad and computer to play games and to communicate, participation in social media via Facebook, managing her finances, and even device control in her home via internet connected technology, as well as for entertainment through an Amazon Echo, [which] keeps her connected to us and the wider world as she ages, raising her feelings of confidence, safety, activity and independence.

It lets family and friends easily connect with her in many ways in real time, which otherwise would not be the case. It helps hold families together. Here in the U. Our family has benefitted from the many technology advances in elder care from cameras to robots to medication reminders to video calling. There is so much available to track critical metrics and improve quality of life — for the elderly and their tapped-out caregivers. Alex Halavais , director of the M.

It starts at the same time each day and ends at the same time. The children are generally out of touch with the family during this period. This would not have been unusual when I was in elementary school or when my parents were in elementary school, but the other institutions in our lives have changed this. We have shared family calendars that show who needs to be where and when, but these change with some consistency.

While my partner and I both have busy careers, they never fall within clearly defined work hours, and mobile technologies mean that our everyday social and business lives are weaved together rather than blocked in clear periods. It remains anchored in one position: the 20th century. Facebook makes it easier to stay in touch with them, to inform them about important events, to show pictures of our daily lives, and — in return — to be informed about things that matter to them. As a result, if we meet friends after a year or so without contact, we do not need to give an overview of last year, but just continue the conversation and play a board game.

It is also easier now to stay in touch with a larger number of people than in earlier days. Apps like WhatsApp allow us to have daily contact with our families, simply by exchanging short messages or sending quick pictures. This interaction does not replace phone calls and visits, but complements them.

I had expected those first pictures to be considerably cuter. Even though I was an evangelist for the future of communication technology, that technology exceeded my wildest imaginings. This dramatically enhances the quality of our conversation and allows us to be more connected. Their minds are filled with notions of programming frameworks, database schemes and abstract models of what data and interactions mean. Many of their childhood friends are far removed from these conceptualizations of work and value. I am not sure how it affects their well-being per se, but the notion of a shared sense of what work means seems weakened.

Living and working in multiple places Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Mexico is possible since we can digitally maintain social and business connections remotely and asynchronously. Without such digitally enabled efficiencies it would be very challenging to run such a rich life. My daughter left school in Bombay and moved to college in the U. Telecommunication in India was quite bad in those days. The number of telephones, both landline and cellular, was about 3 million. Compare with the billion or so cellphones we have in the same country now! I knew it would be difficult for my daughter to call us back soon after arrival at the college, and so had asked her to get access to internet on campus and contact us through email and chat.

She did that within hours of arrival. My wife had, to that point, carefully stayed away from the dial-up terminal I had on my study table at home for years. Now, she suddenly demanded to be introduced to the system. She demonstrated that given the right motivation, people can learn to use a dial-up terminal for email and internet chat in two days at the most!

Our daughter was, for the next four years, our daughter on the Net! First I used a black-and-white video phone that sent a still image every 5 seconds or so. Friends and I got our hands on one and did some fun experiments with artist techies at the Electronic Cafe in Los Angeles.

When the PictureTel staff dialed up and connected me to a person in New York City I was in Monterey, California , as I said hello, tears came involuntarily to my eyes; the intimacy was so unexpected, I was overwhelmed with this encounter with a stranger. Fast forward to five years ago. My year-old mother had a recurrence of cancer. We lived many miles apart. On one of my visits, we went to the phone store and I helped her pick out her first iPhone. It was so awesome to watch her learn to text with her friends. I could FaceTime her from my home while I got my life in order so I could return to take care of her.

That phone was a literal lifeline during her last months — a source of joy, a tool for coordinating her care, and a reassurance for me that I could actually see daily how she was doing. I think of all the technology in our lives, videoconferencing technology contributes in a profound way to my well-being, bringing me closer to dear family and friends who live at a distance, or even just across the bay like my daughter does. I spend a great deal of my day online, and being hyperconnected makes it possible to find all the things I need to have a decent quality of life.

Dewayne Hendricks. Ten years ago that would have been quite impossible. Sicily remains a far more face-to-face culture. However, file sizes that I need to receive today of 60 MB need Google Drive to deliver, as email capacity is in the dark ages. And the sizes grow every year. Email must adapt as these demands grow and TCP [Transmission Control Protocol] transfer speed also needs to increase as it is stuck in the s at Mbps. As shopping has also gone digital, package delivery requiring signature can be easily included when working at home, whereas it would become a major problem otherwise.

In fact, work can be seamlessly intermixed with running a household. Eliminating commuting and fixed work hours allows working a hour day which I need. Thus, with increased internet capacity at home, more work can be done with far less stress for those workers not tied to hardware in the office. When several string theorists published several papers predicting black hole production at particle colliders, I became involved with the collider controversy.

The original safety considerations had glaring holes. I started a Global Risk Reduction special interest group in Mensa, I became an advisory board member of the Lifeboat Foundation one of thousands , and I participated in writing petitions and contacting people. This would have been impossible before the internet. Two years ago, due in part to the challenges of living with multiple chronic health conditions, my wife left her successful job as a cell technologist at a local hospital to pursue digital journalism. It has allowed her to work from home and write for a large public audience about research surrounding bipolar disorder.

This digital environment provides her employment, and her writing supports thousands of people every week who read her research that she accesses digitally and writing and who get social support and well-being tips from it. There are absolute cost savings in overhead, travel, hourly wages. And there are qualitative benefits in employee work-life balance, productivity and emotional health. As a member of the media, my job depends on technology telecommunications, social media, internet. As a person who lives apart from family and loved ones, I depend on digital communication to stay in touch — including frequently connecting on FaceTime with my girlfriend.

The uses are endless. Devin Fidler , a futurist and consultant based in the U. This has been most fulfilling. Similarly, my children have built worldwide networks of friends and fellow students. We have two adopted daughters, and the internet has allowed one of them to find and connect with her birth family in China. None of this would be possible without the internet. The internet unifies people and combines ideas very easily. That would not have been possible without the advent of digital communication.

It allowed me to better integrate work, family commitments, leisure, health challenges of self, of children and of elderly parents, social commitments, etc. Consequently, my work is more productive. Furthermore, the ability to work across geographical and national borders opened new opportunities that made my work more exciting and fulfilling. Throughout this time, I had to learn and relearn how to use communication technologies in ways that empower me, and how to minimize the harm they cause. It is an ongoing learning challenge.

I was able to move from Washington, D. In our case it is Skype for Business that puts each employee a touch of a button away, and the video changes the interaction from simply voice calls or email. I see video calls, a la FaceTime or Skype to be a common activity of the future in business. Allen G. A vast array of career opportunities opened up in a variety of fields. I became a digital design engineer and moved from there into a variety of related professions.

The convenience of digital devices such as personal computers and smartphones has enhanced life greatly, both for me and for every member of my family. While there are some aspects of office life I miss, the truth is that technology has made this possible. For our family, this has been immeasurably valuable. Before such technology existed, I had to commute. I had to be tied down to a specific schedule each and every day. Yes, we all still enjoy sharing those moments in our lives that give off the best appearance, but the stigma of sharing experiences of disease or pain or loss has lessened.

More and more, we are encouraged by the actions or the postings of others to share our tougher experiences and to, if we so wish, build a community around those experiences. The first time I went through cancer, I felt lost and disconnected and without voice. This time, though it admittedly took some coaxing from friends and other supporters, I shared my experience and my recovery.

That really helped me through the process and into a quicker, more lasting mental, emotional and physical recovery. My online network and digital tools made it easy to share the event, his progress, my stress and feelings, for others to empathize and share resources and advice. Susan Price. I found myself carefully segregating my communications by channel, moderating the degree of honesty according to the size and makeup of the group. With those found veterans, I moved the discussion to more private channels such as Facebook Messenger, email or phone to share more honestly my negative feelings, fears and pain, and received directly helpful specific advice, support and resources.

Apps and websites cannot replace the communities that have always connected and supported us, but they can help diverse and dispersed groups coordinate care in unprecedented ways. If I have a question, I can ask it through secure messaging. If I want to evaluate my own recent blood panels for areas of concern or progress, I can do that online through a secure portal.

Robocalls to my house from my provider as well as text messages to my phone ensure that I do not miss a recommended cancer screening. If I have a complaint, it is usually because the ecosystem of medicine is still not connected enough. There are laggards who resist sharing my electronic health record data with specialists as needed. There is 20th-century thinking that prevents these digital technologies from being fully integrated into the medical system in ways that will be cost-efficient, interoperable, empowering and truly usable.

I am able to schedule appointments and order prescription refills online, at any time of day. I can get detailed text or video information about health issues from trusted sources. I have access via portals to my health records. I also tell family and friends how they can use digital technology to impact their health.

Gary L. This has influenced both our awareness of our physical activity and motivation to exercise regularly. We strive to accomplish our 10, daily steps! We also compare our exercise levels and encourage each other to engage in physical activity. We now seek opportunities to exercise together to achieve our activity goals. This has improved our overall physical activity, fitness and health. Kevin J. My life has been radically affected by these burgeoning technologies on all these fronts. It allows me to collect my own data, blend it with other datasets and generate and test real-time predictive algorithms.

I have a far better understanding of my condition, especially as it is baselined against relevant populations. And my involvement with patient communities has enriched my life in many ways. And more progress is on the horizon. Supported by digital technology, we are making a better world for people with hearing loss. Fortunately we had a friend in common who was able to forward a simple digital picture I took and quickly resolved the issue. Sending a picture is simple and inexpensive yet can make a big difference — a huge benefit vs.

We need to appreciate the value of the mundane rather than focusing on the flashy stories. Virtual connectivity via the internet has enabled me to establish networks of connections, collaborative communities and new friendships and relationships with people around the world. The impact has been, at times, lifesaving for my family members. Found articles on the internet which suggested using witch hazel. No rash, no itch. While there are few folks in my immediate community who are going through divorce, I found several friends in other cities in my extended circles who had excellent support and advice.

One of the most supportive individuals was an acquaintance from college who was not a close friend, but who stepped up on Facebook and was a wonderful support to me from halfway around the country. Anne Collier. I am so grateful to have been included in this revelation so I can offer my unconditional love and support. And I am even more grateful that a person who in the past would have felt isolated, unnatural, and broken now knows that they are in fact part of a global community.

I believe this will probably save lives. The current organisation we have and the data we can share more than modified the way we interact. There is no waste of time and therefore we all gain efficiency in our daily life. The dawn of Internet of Things is already embedded. It is nothing that can be compared with the life my parents had. I wonder how I could have survived in that society, living before total digital connectivity existed, even when it had just started and was not spread yet. However, I have extensive networks with my colleagues on Twitter and Facebook.

I enjoy taking time out to chat with them, sharing professional and also some personal information regularly. It makes me feel less isolated and more easily able to keep in contact with my academic network. Nothing beats face-to-face encounters, but social media and emails, as well as the occasional use of Skype, is a far better way to maintain these contacts than letter writing or faxing, which is how we did things before digital media.

Twenty years ago I set up two websites — one for pilots and one for family members — to share photos, family tree[s] and technical information. Both have been resounding successes in getting people together. George Washington at Valley Forge. Forty years ago I taught in a small Congo town that was isolated, with no phone or TV service. Today Kasongo can be reached by cellphone and the regional center has television and internet access thanks to wireless technologies. This started when I worked on the Obama campaign, includes people I met through a group where we shared our love for household pets and goes through today where I have a relationship with customers that I never would have met personally.

While I do not believe that my online relationships replace ones that involve personal face-to-face connections, they are important and have broadened my horizons in many ways, adding a richness to my life. In fact my more-traditional face-to-face relationships have also benefited from more communication due to digital communications.

When forced to only have relationships with people you can meet in person, you tend to live in a more-narrow world, with people more like you. Digital communications broadens your horizons, or it can if you want it to. Michael R. Almost every day, one of the people I follow on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn shares a report, law review article, economic analysis, or news article on something I need to know about and would not have discovered by just reading the U.

Equally importantly, my Facebook and LinkedIn friends introduce me to experts in the field in countries around the world — without my having to spend time flying overseas to attend conferences. Alexander B. My professional life as a writer, analyst, consultant and now deputy director of the Sunlight Foundation is almost entirely enabled by digital technology, from the journalism I created to the advocacy, activism, policy and communications work I do today. Social media has opened many doors for me, professionally and personally, in ways I did not anticipate a decade ago.

When I first signed up for Facebook, I was a senior in high school and you needed a dot-edu [. We were all welcomed onto the platform as we got new email addresses once accepted into our college of choice. It was a place to show friends and acquaintances how much fun we were having in college. And then over time it became so much more. My parents had Facebook accounts. Work relationships became Facebook friends. It was a tough to navigate as its role in my life shifted. I scaled back how much I shared there. I changed what I projected out to masses. All of this happened in the span of seven years.

For her, Snapchat replaced Facebook as the place to showcase to acquaintances how much fun she was having in college. I now use Facebook to see which of my friends have gotten married or had children. As the role platforms like Facebook play in our lives shifts, so too does our need for them. It will be interesting to see if they survive these shifts. For an old fart 81 , it is a source of daily intellectual stimulation and a feeling of keeping my hand in the game. I am a railfan and there are restored steam engines, abandoned trackage, lonely and empty depots, etc. Name your hobby or sport, and there are folks out there to share their discoveries with you.

My siblings and I are all over the U. Facebook lets us pretend we are close Worldwide webcams add a lot as well. There are lots of other examples — politics, medicine, personal safety, education. Those weak ties are priceless, and lead to insights. Had no idea it existed or was big. Scott McLeod.

My visibility and reach are now astronomical compared to what they might be in an analog era. My example is but a microcosm of the possibilities that we all now have available to us. My father-in-law found people to go fishing with. My mother-in-law found a monthly foodies group to go to. My wife found some of her old high school classmates, plus a group of people that buy foods in bulk at discount and split the costs. For my family, WeChat works well because it lowers the transaction costs of finding individuals with similar interests and backgrounds.

WeChat also lets you organize message boards by geography, making it easy to find groups that are geographically nearby. Furthermore, it was a good tool that let us first find people virtually and then transition to real-world relationships. In one case, a sister-in-law in another country used me as a go-between to reach my wife, and in another I used it to contact a former stepbrother, a sister and a half brother. As modern families become more complex, communication tools have had to adapt.

I started a Facebook group for teachers at the New York City Department of Education who love teaching with technology. In the past all these people existed in the 1, schools across the city, but there was no way for these people to find one another. The group now has close to 3, members. It is highly active, and strong relationships are being built. We have a direct line to what is happening in schools. Teachers feel supported like never before. They are more confident and better able to serve their students. They have increased job satisfaction. They share extreme gratitude for the group and its responsiveness.

They are no longer alone but rather supported by a powerful network of other dedicated teachers. I have a career that has allowed me to be a force for good, to reach people around the world, and to share a message of compassion, communication and development, all solely because of the internet and digital technologies. This enabled me to attend university, where I studied philosophy. I wrote my honors thesis on an Atari and I wrote my masters on the university network. I started teaching using technology for Athabasca University in , and started developing websites and learning management systems for a living in By participating and sharing my knowledge and discoveries freely through discussion lists and online conferences I became a part of the online learning community in Canada, which led to my current employment as a digital researcher with the federal government.

This has given me the opportunity to develop new theories of learning and pedagogy, create learning technologies, develop MOOCs [massive open online courses], and participate in this survey. Today I responded to an enquiry from a reader looking for more recent work on automated language translation, because she had only a reference to my paper from I provided her with some resources from my newsletter, and she will add these to her study. The course was about computer networking and personal empowerment and how people can create their own education.

The week before I was able to carry a message about business intelligence into a meeting with government officials as a result of the analysis I did of the public documents posted by the School of Public Service on their web page. The week before I was in Berlin at a conference testing a virtualization of my personal learning application, getting experiences and feedback from a workshop filled with experts from around the world, none of whom I had met before.

The week before I was in Tunisia talking about the deployment of open educational resources in the Middle East and Northern Africa to support language learning, economic development, and cultural growth. The week before… You get the idea. None of this happens without digital technology. I value the friends I have made from a tremendous diversity of background and worldviews thanks to the connected Net. And not incidentally, I have transformed my career thanks to the lessons I continually learn by and about the Net.

It provides access to a vast store of information and research data. It has enabled me to collaborate with academic colleagues in many different parts of the world, which has been an incredibly generative experience. In my personal life, it connects me to far-flung family and friends. It also connects me to people who share my political views, which gives me some hope — perhaps foolish — that working with them I can shift the political discourse.

Through the use of social media, I am able to share resources and perspectives to tens of thousands of others in my field on a daily basis. The prospect that one person could manage that scope of impact and reach was inconceivable for anyone who was not a network commentator on television or a nationally syndicated columnist. Now this opportunity extends to all who are dedicated to a purpose or cause. People have a better grasp of news and tools that can make their lives easier. Knowledge disseminates faster and deeper. The driver pulled out his phone and clicked on Google Translate.

Problem solved. Turns out that Google had trained all the taxi drivers in Rio how to use this fantastic tool. In terms of the spread of knowledge, the past two decades have been as revolutionary as when early man harnessed fire. Kenneth Cukier. I Googled it and got a digital copy — which, when you think about it, is amazing. But my German is lousy. So I uploaded the page report into Google Translate and got an English version a minute later — which is even more astounding.

Just 20 years ago it was impossible for all but the most prestigious scholar to obtain something like that, and it might take half a year. I did it on impulse in four minutes. I was astonished. My particular experience in addition to my clear connections to global online learning, highlights the possibilities for inclusion in global policy processes, especially those involving internet governance and digital policy.

The UN Internet Governance Forum, for example, takes place in situ during less than a week once a year, and even that week of meetings involves a high percentage of online participants from all over the world. However, the planning for this event takes place online all year, with collaboration from a large body of participants from all over the world.

Without internet technology and online applications for collaborative editing and meetings, this kind of global, geographic, and multi-stakeholder I add multi-stakeholder as a factor, because some stakeholder groups have more access to travel funds. Multi-stakeholderism would be seriously hampered and cooperation would not be possible. In addition to fairly normal and common challenges for travel to meetings, I have had serious family responsibilities that have not permitted me to travel in the last few years.

While it has not been easy, I have been able to stay involved. Out of nowhere a number of hot air balloons appeared, and with the touch of a button I was able to switch to a video call. I remember being amazed by the simplicity with which I was able to share this experience. Nowadays, communicating with people anywhere in the world has become second nature to me. Sometimes I realize that I have written several research papers with people whom I have never met in person! Heywood Sloane , partner and co-founder of HealthStyles.

I have one already, a gift from my wife that I am very fond of, thank you! I expected, and got, a multitude of tools to help me stay on track with stress, sleep, biometrics and much more.

Day Eleven: Why I’m Still Single (The Ugly Truth)

What I did not expect, was the way it tamed the peppering of email, notifications by apps, ringtones and alarms of people and things clamoring for my immediate attention. It reduces them all to gentle vibrations. Long ones for calls I wanted to take, and short ones for everything else. It lets me block interruptions from apps and emailers.

It also let me see others and get more detail with a tap when I want it. It gives me control and helps me defend my space to concentrate and focus on what I choose, rather than what someone else chooses. We could text our relatives rather than interrupt them with a call. They were able to share their wish list, we could comparison shop online at both local and national stores , find the best value, search for coupons and either order online or use navigation to find the best route to the store despite holiday traffic. Mobile apps are used to deliver education as well as providing timely information to farmers to enhance their productivity.

Similarly, mobile apps are used to deliver price and other market information. At our firm — Bonako a mobile games and app-development company — it is our platform for continuous education for staff; it is what we use to access training materials from all over the world. We also use digital tools to plan and develop our products in a way that would not have been possible only a few years ago. Developing games and apps requires varied expertise, and collaboration is key. Karl M. It is no longer only the director always a male who gets his secretary always a female to type out his paper and check references before having it published.

Almost all competent teachers and researchers have that possibility now; moreover they can work together over great distances and form social structures among themselves, independent of centralized or local administrative control. That body replied very respectfully to the director that they had already found a better candidate from France who had been working with them via the internet. That other candidate was me. Today, students I help mentor through their own doctoral studies have access to all of the material I did two decades ago, but with a fraction of the time and travel commitment.

Greg Downey. Similarly, once materials were acquired and assembled, only rudimentary organization and writing tools were available for assembling the project into a coherent narrative. I recall being one of the first individuals at my university to use Geographic Information Systems software in my historical analysis and in the production of my final manuscript. All of the temporal and spatial expectations of earning a Ph. This has raised the expectations for comprehensiveness in literature reviews and archival searches; it has raised the expectations for presentation of data and engagement of narrative.

It is both easier and harder to do great work now and get that Ph. But I think the work that is done is of higher quality, and the scholars that are produced are of greater intellectual prowess and scope than ever before. As a commissioner at the Federal Institute of Telecommunications I made sure that our virtual board meetings and deliberations were valid; on many occasions I have been able to deliberate and vote on the cases submitted to the board through a video conference when in business travels and I also to hold e-meetings with my staff.

My office has home-office on Mondays, saving hours of wasted time on traffic jams. Marce studied elementary and middle school in a rural local school, but there is no high school in Xochicalco, so she would have had to travel each day to Arcelia, Gro. Her mother grows corn and vegetables and looks after her other two children. So Marce ended up leaving her hometown and moving to the big city of Mexico to seek a job as domestic helper, hoping she could enroll at a public school. Her job kept her busy all day as a babysitter and so her mom, who I had the fortune to know from a long time ago, asked me for help to guide Marce so that she actually gets an education.

I devoted a few hours to seek a public high school online program certified by our Ministry of Education SEP and found it, a very impressive two-year program which begins with a full-month course on the use of IT, the platform, how to interact with your assigned tutor, with teachers, how to deliver homework online, etc. I had never seen a young girl so excited to spend online 4 hours, learn in three days to handle a laptop one of my sons gave her.

She reads her lessons every day plus a few books I am asking her to read on history, philosophy, etc. She reads 10 pages every morning. Yet it will take a lot of guidance, hard work and long hours before she earns a high school diploma and more importantly, a good quality education that enables her to be admitted at UNAM [National Autonomous University of Mexico] or another public university here in Mexico City.

There is no such a thing in Arcelia, forget Xochicalco, where there is no internet access and a weak signal for only 2G mobile voice services in spite of the presence of a multinational firm extracting all the lithium it can get from Guerrero but not creating much local value to the hard-working people of Xochicalco. I am committed to help Marce, and she is determined to graduate and pursue her professional education. I lost my only brother who suffered long with mental illness when he was only 30 years old.

He died a few days later. My grandmother who lived with us died a few weeks later. I lost my mom when she was 63 to a heart attack. My father died in a car accident when he was Another cousin died of a burn accident and her father my uncle died of a lung clot a week later. I had to put my cat to sleep after a 2 month battle with cancer. I buried myself in my work to give myself a purpose. I lost my job 2 times because of the company being sold.

It hurts so much to remind myself of all this. I am very sad and have been coping with therapy for many years. I avoid deep relationships because I am so afraid of loss. I am unable to handle the stress of a full time job for fear of losing it. I have many health issues now. I am always worried and stressed. My sister has been on antidepressants for many years and attempted suicide several times when she stopped them because of side efdects. I lost my faith in God for a long time but I know he is still there even though it is hard to understand why all this pain is a constant part of my life.

I pray for everyone to find peace and relief from the pain off loss and grief. Mona, You will be in my prayers too. I wish I had words of encouragement, for you. I have fallin into a state of depression do deep and so bad I cant see a purpose for anything anymore.


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I lost all the future hope now have to sell my retirement home and all my friends, who dont want to hear my bad mood and also lost around 4 mil dollars I can not deal with all this set back and feel so depressed I cant find a way to get out of this situation and am clueless as to what to do now its been 4 months since this has happend I am hopeless. Now I will be forced to move soon with no job and live in a different place.

This is as bad as depression gets to me my whole life has changed as to what I can afford and do its truely devastating. Im a lost hope. You will be ok! I understand. I am realizing life is not about money. Yes, we worked hard to be comfortable but rely on friends and family. There are caring people out there.


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  • There are also some non caring ones. Find the caring ones! Some people just do nothing and slide through life, they do not understand struggle therefore cannot have empathy. Me too! Left April 20th! Brought back other pain without me evenknowing it would! I ended up making a fool out of myself because other pain came into play. I lost my brother and then my father a week later. I know it will take one day at a time.

    Not sure why…I suspect it is my grief. I also loss my mother 2 years ago and my best friend and I have parted ways due to differences of opinions on a business. Really glad I found this site. In both cases I was right there and it was almost identical circumstances. My Mother died first. Her death was instant but my sister was taken to a hospital where they pronounced her dead. I still live in the family home and having grown up around people it really took a long time getting used to being alone. I honestly thought maybe I should seek out therapy but my Nieces, friends and girlfriend were really supportive and having someone to talk to was monumental in keeping me from losing my senses.

    The house has many family pictures and that gives me great comfort. I never knew what stress could be until all of this happened. I accepted losing my Mother since she was 87 and had suffered heart ailments for some time but my Sister was only 66 and despite her health issues seemed to be coping well. You never really get over it. Superb blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any user discussion forums that cover the same topics talked about in this article?

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    If you have any recommendations, please let me know. I would be interested in this too! I hate because so many people lost so many family members this year. I lost two aunts, an uncle and my mom within the last four months. My mom just died on December 7th. Christmas was bitter sweet. Now my father-in-law is dying. Although I have my husband and two boys, I feel so empty. My two aunts were my favorite.

    The people who were proud of me and supported me are gone. The people I was the closest to are gone. I just want to shield the family I have left. I feel the same. I lost every person that was supportive of me in the last few years. We have a difficult time communicating. I feel like I have to start all over at 53! I was thinking about forming some sort of support group in my home. I am right there wit you. I lost my father, my aunt, my friend and first love , and my uncle in a years time. I have really struggled. Like you, these were the people who were my biggest cheerleaders and supporters.

    I spent the firs few months crying, and feeling slighted. All this to say, I do it all, whatever is helpful and not harmful. I try to remind myself that I am so lucky to have had their love and support. Everyone grieves differently so do what works for you. Keep doing something and eventually you will find yourself in a better space. I did not experience back to back loss yet it feels like it. Back in Jan my mom died and I truly felt lost. My next younger brother had her ashes so I had never seen them. Sept 27 my brother died and I felt like part of me died with him.

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    It was like hurting over her loss all over again as well as losing him. Just not sure how to feel,so I have been shutting it all in. I lost my husband in Nov if In I met someone, we fell in love and got engaged. He died in my arms Sept 15, I thought I was completely devastated, but I was wrong. On October 22nd, , just 37 days later my son died. I constantly have the tv on and my smart phone in my hand reading or looking at something. I need to morn my son.. I have belongings to go through.

    Things to donate and give away. Shoes, clothes, coats.. I want to scream when someone says they are praying for me. Their God took both of them from me.. I no longer believe in a God. Heaven when I fell in love with Andrew and he with me.. Heaven when I had my son.. Grief interrupted by Grief.. Wow, yeah I hear you. I have 2 children and a husband, and I am not sure I have focused on any of the deaths, that have ranged from cancer a lot to murder which just happened last week, my cousin was shot and killed by his moms boyfriend.

    I am having an increased anxiety and starting to get weird. Hi Shonia. I Lost my mom and only sibling and my dad all within a few years. I know how you are feeling…just trying to breathe…just existing. It is all so overwhelming…each loss alone and that many losses of those so close to your heart. You are not going crazy.

    It is a process and drastic change of life…over and over again. But I wanted you know that you are not alone. If that helps at all. Take care of yourself. I read everything, and Know exactly how you feel. Like there is some kind of omen following me. My friends are all happily married with families and people who love them. At the beginning of the year, I lost the love of my life, after he succumbed to pulmonary and heart sarcoidosis. He died exactly one week before his 39th birthday. He was laid to rest on the day he was born. I was 6 months pregnant with our baby girl. In Aprail, I had a placental abruption, had an emergency C-section, woke to the fact that I had pretty much bled to death, tube in throat, hands tied to bed, going in and out of consciousness.

    They take the tube put, cut the cords on my hands, and bring my daughter to me. I wish God would have let me hear her voice or see her pretty eyes. She looked just like her brother. He calls her, baby sister. It broke his heart. But he still brings her up. I hated for my little man to have to lose his dad and sister at such a young age.

    Both my parents are dead. They died back to back over a year. All my grandparents died in one year and in that year, my cousins boyfriend murdered her and committed suicide. Then my sister died after having the lap and at Now my oldest sister is dead, she died in October. My little cousin was killed at the store this year. So in one year, my baby boy has seen 4 dead people, and was barely 5. Just bam all at once. I feel weird. I worry about him all the time because I am not there to see him daily, but I ask God to cover my baby. And I need to get it together, because my son needs me, and I want to be the best mommy I can to him for a long long long time.

    I want to see him married and see my grandkids… I will be praying for everyone on this blog. I just want to express my thoughts after reading your post. It is so so hard when there is small child that you have to be strong for. In the face of so much grief. And very little help.

    Thank God he has his grandmother. I will be a grandmother soon. My daughter can sometimes be very indifferent towards me. I am sole survivor in my family. Except that my brother and even his daughter and his whole family and in-laws have been very indifferent toward me. This was hard over time especially around the holidays when it would sometimes be just me and my daughter.

    We started from a large family. It is good to share on a site such as this. Just wanted to reach out to you. Let you know you were heard. Hi Shonia, I read your story and it is heartbreaking. I had been to 9 funerals, by the age of My brother, my husband his fault and 5 years of hell , my father, my father in law, 3 uncles, an Auntie, Nana this is normal! I am a normal person, only one of these deaths was by addiction.

    Every one else died of disease and illness. It makes you different from everyone else. Or Grandparent!!! I just want you to know, that you sound like a sane person, who WILL be ok. You do have a husband, he is stubborn… but this is how he gets through it. Is there any way that you can move out of your area?

    To start a new life somewhere else? This may help. You are an Angel on earth. Your comment was read and I am so so sorry for all of your loss. No you are not going crazy you are in mourning. Deep deeply and you need to take it day by day hour by hour. We lost our son recently and the pain and anguish is torture. Time I suppose will heal Compassionate friends is a great group to join.

    I M going hi second meeting tonight. O feel for you so much. Take care of yourself , talk to a Councelor that specializes in grief. Be gentle with yourself as this is beyond what a person will go through. I read your story and feel so much sadness for what you have faced and continue to confront. I only lost 4 people in my family so I cannot imagine what you are going through. Know that each day will be a little different. Read, Pray, write, talk, cry, do whatever you need to do to make some progress.

    Thank you for responding to my story. We all played the game of life to be as good as we could, blowing by obstacles because that is what we were taught to do. But it is different now, there is sometimes no reason to be the one making a trail and leaving a path….. I thank you for having it but I would really like to form a group that could communicate to 9ne another what it is like to have your entire family die.

    If there is such a group out there please post it up, if not maybe the owner of this site can get us an opportunity to meet online to answer the questions of what you do and how to live after you have no one left. Hi Dave. I too lost all my family to death from cancer and other illneses.

    I became overwhelmed with multiple grief as i became divorced and never saw my children for almost 6yrs and lost my job as well. I endsd up seeing a phyciatrist. I went to some bereavement sessions a funeral home offered and it helped tremendously to know i was not alone and what others did to cope. Again not alone met some beautiful caring people. I foung another job and have some. I can say I do understand.

    I may be one of the only ones who does if you have lost absolutely everyone. My entire family has died. It means you go home alone everyday. Go to bed Alone every night. They are all dead. No cousins. No extra spouses you shacked up with right away. No one. By yourself. There literally is no one. Having a distant cousin die and then an in-law die 5 years later will not crush you.

    Having every single person in your family die in a 14 month period crushes you. You will live forever with unanswered questions. Cleaning out ALL the estates and having no one to pass it along to. Not knowing where anything should go, no passing on family heirlooms. No more celebrating a birthday. A holiday, happy news. Every single person is gone. No one exists to remember you before this moment.

    Medical history? Better find it all out now! That is true loss. I noticed a common thing all posters experience as I also experience and that is the isolation and grief from losing every relationship that had meaning and should of provided support from those in our lives who are still living.

    I believe the hardest thing making it impossible to break through is isolation and support from what could have been and should have been you guaranteed source of support and companship to make the feelings of being along even just a little manageable. I lost a 4 month old son to what is explained as SIDS so he died for no reason what so ever.

    I will just never have an answer. The circle of life and the natural order as we humans are born and accostomed to believe and feel as a way to have unconscious ability that drives us to keep going because of purpose has been stolen and ripped from me. Brain Scramble that you have no other choice but to accept and process because choices in that are not blessings of entitlement and control you have.

    That is the bare naked truth of what I have to work with. And I am still mom so more of me is needed and demanded then I ever needed or wanted of myself! Nothing can make escape a feeling of ultimate failure and guilt for my living children because a mom they had and were born to me entitled to that are short changed and cheated and they have not even had life experience to hurt others or wrong anyone or anything to deserve any of this?

    I only hope with everything in me that my best and what ever that is now will be good enough to help them understand and live life without the shadow of so many sibling losses following their lives. Losing 5 children just wont ever escape me I struggle with making sure it escapes them. I know how I feel. My story and the loved ones I have lost is different from yours, but I feel as though the way you describe feeling is VERY much how I feel. In my opinion I think one only gets used to the feeling of hurt and never ending torture.

    And that somehow becomes your normal. Yes you have to be strong for your children, you have to live so you have to find a way to move past, work through, be happy… etc etc… HOW?? But this is hard and I have been trying to move my way through life for a decade now and I feel like not a day has gone by as far as the way I feel… I truly feel for what you are living.

    I am very sorry for all you are living through…. This all hits home and explains me perfectly. My dad died when I was He was my hero. Between and I lost 2 grandparents, and a close friend. In I buried my 2 month old daughter. I lost my other grandpa in In I buried my 2 week old son. Then 2 years later lost my last grandmother and this year a woman who was like my second mother.

    Well of course someone would come up with a name for it right? In just over the course of , my Mother, Father, Brother, Aunt and even my dog…even my freaking dog died. Everyone just checked out a few months apart. Pretty horrible for everyone actually, no peaceful endings. My job change caused some financial issues so my house is in foreclosure. Nothing like a con man scamming you when your entire family just died. Grandparents all dead. I worked for most of my life as a paramedic. You are all alone.

    Or save it for the funeral. I suppose at my age 75 I should expect losses, but despite losing a baby daughter 50 years ago, it never dawned on me that I could lose both my remaining adult children within the last three years. My son died exactly three years ago — Easter Monday, , when he finally decided to stop fighting the bladder cancer and metastases that he had been battling for four and a half years.

    He left a wife and two children — then 14 and He was brave and valiant throughout the fight. He had lost his job during the economic downtown, and when diagnosed, he was working on contract no benefits! He traveled back and forth every few weeks to visit and for therapy, and was then offered a job in North Carolina with health benefits. He, his wife and children all relocated, and spent the last three years of his life there, which my daughter and I flew back and forth to visit when we could. We handled it well, I think, as a family. After his death, his wife and children moved back to Chicago, and were once again among friends.

    New relationships developed among his survivors; we were closer than ever. My daughter and best fried had noticed that I was able to overcome my fear of flying to get to North Carolina and back; and engaged in a conspiracy with several of my friends to get me out to California for a wonderful trip to the Bay Are last July. By the end of the year, it turned out she needed surgery laparoscopic hysterectomy and came through it fairly well.

    She was discharged after an overnight stay, and returned to her nearby apartment. I drove the mile or two to her apartment with my blood turned to ice in my veins; and with the help of the police, paramedics, and building staff, her apartment was opened, and she was found lifeless on the floor. It took a month for the coroner to arrive at a cause of death: pulmonary embolism.

    So now I am planning a celebration of her life, working somewhat awkwardly with my equally devastated ex-husband and his wife to navigate our way through the red tape and the immense hollowness and loss that we all feel, but have difficulty expressing to each other. To lose both adult children in the space of three years has left me feeling frequently just like the pith of my soul has been removed. I have also lost two very close friends in the last few years — friends who knew me before the children were born, and who could share memories with me.

    I know I am not alone — I know two other couples who have lost two children each, although they have one living child left. And I am seeing a counselor weekly, which gives me some structure. My thoughts and good wishes go out to all the others who struggle with such clusters of loss. May we all find strength together. I have lost 20 family members including my brother and only sibling in an auto accident in the past 10 years.

    The last death occurred the day after Christmas of my Uncle. I have no significant other for support etc. Both of my parents have had strokes 4 months apart My Dad Dec of and my Mom just 4 months after in April of My Dad has many serious health problems that cannot be fixed and his days are numbered. My mom has since had 2 strokes since then.

    She has a bright future and a huge college load. I wish I knew how to better prepare for and handle all my feelings and emotions on a daily basis. I never thought this product would work. I definitely recommended this to anyone trying to have a baby. Last month my father, my husband and both my children were murdered. In my husband drowned. My husband had dreamt his death months before. He never told me the full dream but I believe it was an out of body experience. He said we were together doing something we loved to do, fishing.

    The last 2 months of her life I spent in the hospital with her. What shocked me was when my mom n law was dying people asked me why I was still taking care of her. I no longer talk to any of the people who asked me why I took care of her. There were days I would cry out in pain,my heart hurt so much I felt so numb, confused, lost. I had told my mom n law before she died l was going to start going to church. I also meet people in odd ways like a wrong number. She had lost her husband. God works in mysterious ways.

    Necessity of Heartbreak in Kahlil Gibran’s ‘On Pain’ - The Atlantic

    Grief has struck me 6 times in the past 10 months. April , my daughters friend, my friends child, commits suicide, may , my grandfather died, July I get pregnant with baby 5….. Are, but I try to remain excited through it all. I finally reached out for counseling services. I just need the storm to pass. I have truly struggled the past 5 years. This was hard as she was like a second Mom to me and my wife was close to her as an only child.

    The dam of loss was just beginning to bust completely. My Dad nearly dies from drinking in , the second year in a row. Then my buddy and wife go gossip professional and I am kind of black-balled by portions of groups that are less than professional or spiritually mature. And lost my job, and favorite cat died, ugh. This after being temporarily disowned by the family for insisting we have no booze around at Christmas as my Dad just released may be tempted….

    I stood Devastated. These were two things I counted on deeply for fellowship and healing. But God had a better plan, he makes the best lemonade out of the worst lemons, the broken healed, and showed me hope. The Lord provides. Movies have been very cathartic for me, and reading the Psalms helps. I got to two dollar movies and rent from the library. I am joyful! God gave us what we need to endure, overcome, even conquer our griefs. He gave me tears, time, a patient and compassionate wife.

    Pain almost always results in growth. We now have been reunited with my family. We needed time away from all these toxic and unhealthy people and groups, and the losses to truly develop and define ourselves in Christ, spiritually; in or respective begat truly matters, and amongst those we are around, defining who is healthy to be around, and who still needs growing. God is able, and so am I. We had a big family, extremely close knit to say the least. In my b3st friend and brother died suddenly at my parents house from a heart attack.

    It was very hard on me but my family rallied and we pushed through together. He went on hospice, which I now am not a fan of and time marched on until August 14th. I was crushed. Then a short 2 weeks later my Dad died. I was devasted as my hero and my oldest brother had died.

    Then it was my Mom and me and my last brother. We were doing pretty good as we all rallied togethe. Then almost 1 year to the day my brother cam down with colon cancer that spread to his liver. For the next three years he gave it a Galavant try and fight like hell but died in April So then it was my mom and me.

    We held each other and she stayed with me for another year and a half. She was so devastated that all of her boys and her husband of 58 years were taken away from her. Then out of the blue on November my mom died, she was 89 years old. No I was left all alone to pick up the pieces. Our family even though close it all married for many years only one of my brothers was able to have children , One child to be exact. This child had been estranged for over 10 years now ……. I had no one no blood family left everybody was gone.

    My wife of 25 years did everything she could to keep me mentally straight and going forward. I avoided the grief as much as I could now I must leave them all behind or will take me down too. I understand that they are not a part of my life anymore and I will be able to move on and live my life until time my time comes.

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    Faith has been shaken to the core I cant understand how any God would let this happen! Thank you for this article! I just hit the 2 year mark on Nov 2nd that my husband passed away suddenly. Then 3 months after that on January 26th i lost one of my brothers to suicide. Also 7 months ago my 99 year old step-mom died. She was in our family for 42 years,my dad died almost 6 years ago. Again thank you for sharing this article. In the past 15 months I have lost my father Aug , my dog died this April, my cousin died in June and I just had to euthanize my cat from lung cancer.

    Grief is a strange animal. My father had lung cancer quit smoking in and died in 6 weeks of diagnosis. I flew from St. Louis to Sydney and got their a day before he passed. Two weeks there and hardly shed a tear. A little when I got back home but I was numb. Christmas was hard and since I called him every Friday I was constantly beat up every single Friday afternoon at 3pm. The slowly into the new year things eased up until my cousin died. I coped with that a little better until my dog died and I just lost it.

    I have had to put many pets down through the years and it is a horrible experience at the best of times. But I think with this third loss everything had built up and I was crying daily for weeks. Then my poor cat got cancer and that was the icing on that cake for Now instead of thoughts on one person or animal I now experience crying and depression whenever I think of any of them.

    Which is hard not to do when I have their photos around the house. I know it gets better having lost my mom in And yes it takes time but when multiple losses happen its like your hit constantly with a baseball bat. And I must say that whoever in life made the comment that having a good cry makes you feel better is so wrong. After a long hard crying session apart from the congestion, swollen eyes, etc I then develop neck and shoulder muscle aches that go on and on. Sorry to rant on this and I hope I have not bored anyone but I feel like crap at the moment and at age 63 feel totally beat up.

    Thank you all for listening and for all the messages that preceded this. Take care all! I hope that you have a good support friend base around you, just to lend an ear when needed. Please feel comforted in the fact that you should indeed improve.

    Depression Quotes About Wanting to Give Up

    We never get over it, but we do learn to manage it with the right mind set. Keep strong. Not to mention, other factors, such as being all alone, or having great support…………….. I believe also plays a huge role. Ive lost dad ,brother Chris ,3 aunts ,2 great aunts ,brother in law and 2 of my dogs…diagnosed diabetic as well as high blood pressure and have had 12 cancers cut out of me…… i have never felt so bleak.

    Okay, Just stumbled on this web page. Over the past 4 months i have lost 7 good friends and relatives. Finding it very difficult and am on anti-depressents to be able to cope.. Any advice????????

    Everyday Power

    You must remember, it happened to them, not you and none of them would want you to feel so lost and down. They never leave us. There was a very different person that i knew myself to be…. Let me give you some background to my cumulative and perhaps complicated grief… — June my normal healthy 15 year old daughter died suddenly, drowned in the bath after suffering an epileptic seizure, she was resuscitated at the hospital but her brain showed no sign of activity and was pronounced brain dead 6 hours later, I stayed with her for a few hours and then turned her machine off and listened to her heart stop beating.

    We had a complicated relationship and I suffer a lot of guilt because of it, I should have told her I loved her more, given her more of my time and attention etc…. I have 3 other children, my son who is the eldest 3 years older than her, and 2 young daughters who are 10 and 14 years younger than her and have a different dad. I think we are all suffering with complicated grief in some way, especially my boy who has lost 2 very young uncles aged 30 and 35 prior to the death of his sister.

    I had a complicated relationship with my mum, she could be quite abusive at times and I seemed to get the brunt of it. I spent the next year looking after my disabled dad with no help from my 2 sisters. That is not healthy, and I know that if I give into this urge to isolate myself, I may never resurface…. My mum had mental health issues as well as alcoholism and her family history includes a lot of mental illnesses and alcoholism. There is more childhood trauma to add to this story but not relating to grief.

    Dad fought an aortic anurism survided. Then my halve sister diagnosed with a brain tumor. The grandma showed signs of denibtia, feel like my other halve sister blackmailed father to get guardenship, father was diagnosed with cancer while only living on one lung…. Biopsy caused an air embolism stroke. Discontinued chemo. Sister discontinued chemo. Father died Dec, had to lie to sister about his death no reason to make her last days ful of pain and sorrow.

    Then my other half sister changed the benifiare of life insurance for our grandmother. All the while moving her ever chance she got away from my dad brother mother and I. The she passed and threatened us to not go according to the will. Now everything will go to probate court and she will end up in jail for violation of court orders for care of my grandma and I have a case of for the blackmail of my father.. And yet I say nothing to her or her kids. I want her to be out of my conversations. I want my future back and she is painting a picture of courts and bars for herself.

    I want lakes and laughs wife wants house and fences painted white. Mom want her knee replacement and brother wants the history and smiles with his kids. Thsnk you for sharing!!! I lost my Dad Fter Being the only one who tryef to get the FBi to investagate my Brother death s than eight months later my Dsd died while I did the dinner dishes. I was judt coping wuith my utter avoidance of life whern my Dog died and f i family from my church shared Fathers dsy with me and than lodt their son.

    I slmost fied 12 years ago in the the same way. I am at times so overwhelmed I see the sign of my intense greif…I was s miltary non combat medic but I do beleive greif can grow if a person watches sad shows. I at time turn off sad shows or stop wstching a movie if it has a cancer or suicide theme. I have trouble listen to news on radio. I dont sleep…im scared of everything…im sick to my stomach…. IDK what to do…. I had 4 losses in just under 2 years. First I lost my mother. It was sudden. She was on machines and had to make the decision because my father was demented.

    I was her only child. Doing that was the worst feeling in my life. I was left to take care of my 85 year old father he was 15 years older than her. He had so many health problems it consumed my grieving time. I also had to comfort my 9 year old son. They were extremely close. Then 7 months later she was taken from our family in a motorcycle accident and died in the same manner as my mother.

    An aunt was somewhat helpful but not so much. We were in the process of a second adoption. I turned my energies to this. My father fell and broke his hip. Now he needed more care. Thank God for my husband with that. My husband travels to China to get our second boy. He had a real hard time with him in China. He has permanent scars on his face still from him. He was very violent. He gets worse with the violence. We had to lock our other son in our room to keep him safe because he was getting the brunt of it. Finally we had a social worker come to our house. She agreed he could not stay.

    He went in to respite care and is being adopted by a family in NC. Another loss. Not a death. But a loss. I am reallly a mess by now. Highly medicated and in counseling. All of a sudden my father stops eating. This is very dangerous because he had only one kidney. I want to call I was his healthcare proxy. By the end of the week he started to become demented so I could call This killed me.

    I had always told him he would die here. He rapidly declined over the last month. The day before Christmas Eve I ran around securing him a bed. He ends up in the hospital again. We are now put in the same position again. My brother was supposed to be the one to make the decision. It was agreed upon with my siblings. I went through that hell once.


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    My brother was leaning over my father sobbing. He kept asking the dr what she would do. I kept telling him that. My niece and I are on the phone with my other siblings who live out of state. He was supposed to go in the night. He lasted 3 days. In my private moments I told him was ok to go. Mom was waiting.

    I loved him. My brother and nieces had similar conversations. The last person to see him was my wonderful cousin Cindy. She told him she had to leave. Your wife is waiting for you. He died 2 hours later. I know my cousin helped him let go. I go to counseling twice a week now. See my physiatrist more and go to a grief group. But I still feel I am on the way to totally losing it. One dr said it was trauma. It is. And I have no familial support. Especially from my husband.

    He Keeps telling me get over it. I want to. I recently lost my youngest brother an my mom. My brother was 9 yrs. So when he was born ,I got to take care of him! My brother had liver disease and he really suffered at last. He was 49 yrs. Old when he passed away ,3 days before his fifty birthday. My mom passed away 30 days after i lost my brother! I am really having a hard time coping with this! Dont know what to do! I cant hamdle this! I lost my brother in May and my sister in November I understand how you feel, but I do like the thought of keeping a window of hope open that we can get through this.

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